Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 (No comments yet)

So the Department of Justice, in an attempt to prove once-and-for-all, that they hate us all, has argued that the over $200,000 award in the Thomas versus Capitol case is not unconstitutionally excessive. Excuse my French, but bull shit! What crime did this lady commit? She shared a few music files? Oh woe is us! Oh poor, poor Capitol! They lost so much money to this lady and her dastardly ring of thievery. What we didn't realize is that she's actually the head of an international crime syndicate who's sole purpose is to lower the profit margins of Capitol records. Using her ability to speak 14 foreign languages, natural charisma, slight psychic power, and the ability to perfectly mimic a harmless American Citizen, she developed a web of deceit and criminal activity whereby she coerced otherwise upstanding people to perform acts of supreme depravity (like downloading or sharing music). Thank you, thank you, Capitol Records, for taking a stand against Jammie Thomas, who is surely evil incarnate come to Earth to destroy us all.