If you just got a high-paying offer from a tech company, would you go online and brag about the pay while lamenting how boring it would be to work for them? Connor Riley did, perhaps not realizing that most companies monitor their brand online.

The famous case of someone losing a job before it even started. Now known to history as the case of the "Cisco Fatty"

I'd guess most people know better than to badmouth a prospective employer online, but it's not always so clear cut. Most of the things we say and post are only heard by people in the same room as you (and sometimes not even then), but that can change in a heartbeat as Comedian Jocelyn Chia learned:

"On June 5, a comedy club posted a clip from a show I had done in which I depicted Malaysia as the ex who broke up with Singapore—the country I grew up in—and Singapore was now having a "glow-up".

The clip was performing very well, but when I posted the same one on my social media on Tuesday morning, things started to take a nasty turn."

Comedian Jocelyn Chia faced threats for her joke about Malaysia

The people of Malaysia took exception to the comparison. To the point where she was threatened, events and shows she'd booked were canceled due to the outcry, and several attempts were made to hack her social accounts. There was even a report that Malaysian police attempted to recruit Interpol to have her arrested and extradited.

After the initial wave of shock and panic, she chose to take a stand and face the accusers' wrath directly. Given her existing platform plus a media boost from CNN and the BBC who both covered her story, she managed to build a counter-protest in her support. Her bookings started to reappear and the heat online settled down.

Things turned out fine for her, but not everyone can weather that kind of storm.

Not everything you share will come across the way you hoped. Sometimes it's a good idea to pause, rethink, or get someone else's opinion before committing. Better a delay than regret.

As her example shows, what you share may spread far beyond your intended audience to people who are unreceptive… or hostile. That doesn't mean you can joke or post ever, but unless you're prepared to face the horde, take your best shot at ducking their attention.

Before sharing, ask:

• What if the people I love see this?
• What if people who hate me see this?
• Is there a history here I should know about? Am I stepping on landmines?
• What if the news picks it up? What if this goes viral? What if every hater in the world sees this?
• When I'm dating or job-hunting in the future and they dig this up, am I ok with that?

Bottom line, if you can choose between two types of expression (both of which make the point you're trying to make) and one is much harder to take offense to, that's the safer choice.

Just ask David Howard:

David's poor choice

In 1999, the Associated Press covered the story of David Howard, a Washington DC official who, during a town meeting, chose to use a word meaning "miserly", but sounds a LOT like a racial slur.

Howard explained the word had no racial connotation or history, but countering outrage with etymology is like trying to un-drop a cake. The mob couldn't be convinced and he had to resign his post.

It's hard to imagine he thought that word wouldn't create confusion, but then again, in 2025 during the darkest of the GOP/trump anti-Transgender sentiment, scientists were surprised by massive outcry to their research into "transgenic" mice (which has about as much to do with Transgender as the Trans-Siberian Orchestra).

In that context, it's easier to see how he might have thought people wouldn't confuse the words, but he still erred. If you're using words that you know might be confused and you don't want your intentions or character to be questioned, pick the one that doesn't sound like any slur (let alone that one).

Until now, we've only talked about easy choices. Not posting complaints about your boss. Being careful with your jokes. Choosing words where a completely viable alternative is available. What if the only way to stay safe is to hide who you are?

Religion, expression, lifestyle… each has been a historical foil for violence by people who hate things that are different. Even when it's none of their business. Even when it harms no one and nothing, people are forced to hide their traditions, their faith, their heritage, their sexuality, and even their gender.

And even if you're not part of the affected group, you may still face backlash for having darker skin ("must be an illegal immigrant!"), having pink hair ("must be LGBTQ+!"), or having a head wrapping ("must be a terrorist!").

To a racist, a head covering means you're not only Muslim, you're also a terrorist!

Even something as simple as an accent or displaying a symbol can be confused and make you a target. I remember an old story of a college student having a video call with his grandmother when a roommate noticed a prominent swastika displayed on her wall.

Certainly anti-Nazi outrage is justified, but no one wins when it's aimed at innocent Bhuddists displaying a symbol of their religion (which is not the same as the Hakenkreuz Nazi symbol).

If you want to avoid the issue, make sure things that could be easily misunderstood aren't easily seen. For example; using a background filter. Turning off the video. Taking the call in a different (less-decorated) room.

There is something to be said for standing up and fighting against hate and misplaced outrage, but not everyone has the fortitude/finances/safety to do so. Sometimes, we just don't have the space to play on "hard mode".